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I invited her to come to my friend’s birthday party with me this weekend and she said yes. One of our mutual (non-Chinese) friends had a chat with me and I was told that she definitely likes me but that I should take things slower as she’s still adjusting to everything in the UK and apparently she’s still uncomfortable with little things like everyone trying to kiss her on the cheek when they say goodbye! if she was someone who grew up in Europe I would know but I’ve been warned that there is a bit of a cultural barrier…
At this point I was still optimistic and thought that it was just a little misunderstanding, and in the presence of previous signs of interest Cheung should not give up.
I feel that I am entering a cultural minefield as I don’t know how the situation can be interpreted in my ‘Westernised Dating’ experiences.
Additionally, due to my Chinese appearance, I am doubly concerned that others would ‘expect’ me to know the norms.
By their own nature, stereotypes are generalizations which provide us a “road-map” to make judgment. I have never visited China and I have had limited contact with those who have been born-and-bread in China, although I am of Chinese parentage.
And there are plenty of stereotypical advices and tips one can find when it comes to intercultural/interracial dating (me being one of those who wrote tips to foreigners on dating Chinese girls). The story below is the best illustration of situation where girl’s behavior didn’t justify any of the stereotypes about Chinese girls. I am currently studying as a postgraduate university student in the UK.
I interpreted everything as a sign of interest so I told her that night that I liked her and she completely freaked out saying that she “had no idea” and is “too busy right now” etc.
(Yes – we were very drunk – 2 bottles of wine and a few cocktails each).
My Hong Kong/Malaysian/Singaporean Chinese friends have jointly warned me to be very careful not to rush things.
Again we are not sure what to do and how to understand the other person’s behavior.
This is one of situations where stereotypes might be helpful to a certain degree. And the beginning of his story is taken from one forum where he made a post: I was born and raised in UK.
Our mutual friend had a very long chat with Miss B and was surprised to learn that she didn’t realize that cuddling me, holding my hand, meeting my friends and going out to dinner with me several times was anything other than being ‘friendly’. ) The mutual friend didn’t reveal the reasons which Miss B gave but did say that ‘age’ was one of them.
Apparently Miss B claimed that holding hands doesn’t mean anything more than close friendship in China(? Everyone in our close circle of friends is very surprised.I am repeatedly told “dating is very different in China” and I should take things much more slowly than I would for a “Western” relationship.